I’m fucking pissed at the new Spiderman Movie.

The old movie’s actor had a somewhat nerdy look to him. The new movie has some British fucking hipster-looking punk. You’re not gonna fucking show me that guy, and try to tell me he’s a nerd. I liked Spiderman as a nerd who got the superpowers. It was a nice change from, “let’s get the most attractive dude we can find to be the hero.”

And the whole thing is darker. The trailer contains more city shots, shows more, in just clips, of police VS Spidey than there was total in all three older movies, and has a guy addressing the public, dissing Spiderman as a masked vigilante. How very…. FUCKING BATMAN? Way to go making Spiderman stand out from the other fucking superhero movies coming out. 

And how about the newfound insistence on using Spidey’s logo goddamn everywhere? How about that poster, where the shadow forms the Spiderman logo? Reminds me a lot of the Batman skyscraper visual for their new film.

And how about the first lines of the trailer?

“How did you get out there?” “Fire escape.” “That’s 20 stories!” “Doorman’s intimidating.”

Yeah. Just mimic Jack Sparrow and Iron Man. This is DEFINITELY what we need, more douchebag protagonists trying to be witty every chance they get.

Spiderman was kind of an odd-one-out in my eyes. Of the major superheros, there was Superman, who was born with powers - Batman, who’s power was inherited money that he knew how to use - Iron Man, who straight built his powers - the X-Men, most of whom knew their powers to an extent - and so on. The ones who didn’t already understand their powers seemed to create them themselves, and even so most were extraordinary people (Iron Man a genius, Capt. America a brave soldier). Spiderman was an awkward nerd who struggled to understand his powers, and then struggled to decide on whether to use them (and, “with great power comes great responsibility - I have yet to see a quote so widely recognized come from any other superhero film).

This looks like they’re ditching that. Instead of a nobody struggling to understand his powers, it’s gonna be a British hipster who’ll just start doing things that’ll make you go “DAMN THAT’S COOL.” Spiderman will stoop to the level of every fucking modern blockbuster, relying more on cheap tricks and fancy visuals than telling an interesting story about an abnormal hero.